Sunshine

I am so greatful to see the sun today with some milder temperatures to go with it! What a summer it has been! Sweltering heat leading right into Thunderstorm season. I have been to the pool less this year than other years when I didn't even have a pool membership.

When the sun is shining it is almost impossible to not smile. Sunshine and blue skies! Makes you want to go for a run.

I hate Nicholas Sparks

no I don't really hate Nicholas Sparks. But I hate that even before I pick up the book or start the movie that i know it will be sad. But I do it anyway! There are certain people in this world that I can think about losing and it doesn't affect me much. And then there are others that the meer thought of life without them criples me!

I have a philosophy on life: If the plane goes down and according to God it's not my time, then I will survive. I can put this philosophy of mine into many different scenes of my life. But I can't seem to apply this when it comes to someone else's life. I mean, that makes sense right?!

Why this fear though. It isn't really of fear of what will happen to that person when they pass as much as it is..."how will my life exsisit without that person in my life?" So selfish I know! God controlls it for them too right!

Well, maybe I should just stay away from Nicholas Sparks. He seems to want to push my buttons and help me work through this in my mind rather than letting me be an ostrich and ignore my flaw. The latter just takes so much less effort......maybe.

Names

I have an unusual name. I have met or heard of only a handful of people in my life with the same name, but no more than 5. Today, while I was on the treadmill, I was watching a movie that I had never seen before and I could not believe my ears when there was a character by my name. It was an odd sensation really, to hear my name over and over. Usually when I hear my name there is no question that it's me the person wants. I guess if you have a more common name this could be something you are used to, hearing your name and not thinking automatically that it's you they want. But for me......weird!

So, I am grateful to my parents for their originality of my name. Apparently it's one less thing I have to confuse me in life! And if you know me then you know the less to confuse me the better.

This is the life I have chosen

I understand that this quote comes from a movie I haven't seen. It was recently given to me by my husband. I like it! My life by most standards is a nice life with little or nothing to complain about. And I would agree with that. If you know me though you know that I am a realist and have the ability to be happy in the overall picture of life but still have the desire to pick out the details and study them out loud. Some say this is complaining, not being happy or being spoiled... I disagree. I meerly like to evaluate all things, is what I say.

My family, extended family, often lets me down. It can be a drag. We don't live close to them and therefore do not receive much help in the way of child care. But, this is the life I have chosen. Because in the end it is easier to have a happy life this way. I recently heard by email that a family member of 20 years was glad that she got to know me and could enjoy spending time with me, but had given the Christmas gift that I got her to my sister. I specifically held on to the receipt, guess that was a waste of energy! No one in my family really knows one another well enough to get people what they really want for Chirstmas except that my sister and I exchange good gifts to one another. But then again, that's what divorce often does for a family. Anyway, not complaining just examining! Well, mabe complaining a little.

Friends, I am still searching for the one in this department. I am doing better! Still talking to more people, still praying, still looking. Maybe there is something not right about me. Sometimes you just gotta wonder! I think I am improving, I think anyway.

Marriage, couldn't be better. Enough said.

God is in control may I draw ever closer to him and give the things I feel the need to examine over to him.

This is the life I have chosen.

friends

I have seasons in my life when I re-evaluate. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this. I often think about my friendships during those seasons. I am not one to be very outgoing, in that I don't often pursue friendships but wait for them to happen to me. I often feel like I don't have enough friends or that I don't have that one close friend to run to. I have a great husband, I worship a great God and I feel like that should be enough but there is still that hole that is unfilled that only a girl friend can fill for you. Someone that will sympathise and empathise with you when you are overwhelmed with life. Not listen to you complain, I don't have anything to complain about, but just relate to you in the way that only another mom/wife/woman can.

So in this season of re-evaluation I have set out to sove this problem. I am going to find that confidant, that soul mate of friends. I have had 3 others but space and station of life have dragged us apart and I miss it and I didn't have to search them out....it just happened. So how does one go about making that happen? Pray....check. Talk to more people than usual....check. Smile.....check. Get involved with something new...check. What is next? I tell my kids "how" to do it all the time and I make it sound so natural and easy. But talk is cheap, it isn't that easy to just throw yourself out there. But there it is, my challenge to myself for this season of re-evaluation.........

Life on the Treadmill

Many see the treadmill as a horrible form of torture. I on the other hand see it as a way to escape the stresses of life and be in my own mind for an undetermined amount of time, in a literal form anyway. I do spend lots of time on my treadmill, it's one of my favorite things in my house. It could be because I have two fans that blow on me, a tv 2 feet away with a cable hook up and a stereo so I can hear it over the belt. Or on the other hand, it could just be a reminder of life. Sounds funny I know because most would say that you don't get anywhere on a treadmill, but I beg to differ. On a treadmill you do the same thing over and over and let's face it over again, and while you don't actually move from your spot you do gain something from it. And I would say that gain is getting somewhere. But my life is much alike the treadmill. Most of us do the same actions day after day with little deviation. I start my day with a cup of coffee. Most days I can't tell you what day of the week it is without looking at my watch, my laundry pile almost always looks the same even though I do laundry almost every day, the kitchen sink fills and emptys multiple times a day, I use my broom to sweep the same 20 square feet 3 times a day and nothing is really all that new in my routine. But even though it might sound the same it is always different because every day I grow in understanding and knowledge. Every day my family gets one day older. Through prayer and obedience I get closer to God. I smile the same smile every morning and somehow it gets me a little closer to my friends. So life is like a treadmill....We do the same thing over and over and let's face it over again but it somehow is different and we really do gain something.